Let It Burn
by Sixty Five Roses
Summary: The reflection that stared back at her seemed almost inhuman with its cold stare and darkened eyes. Was this really her?


**A/N** **:** This fic is inspired by episode 5x11 - "White Lies - Part 1".

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It was is a lousy day, Sharon thought of the words Provenza said at the court after the shooting took place. She sighed and went out of the elevator on the 11th floor of her building, and walked towards her condo door. She fished her key out of her purse and unlocked the door, turning the lights on as she entered the condo. The silence in the condo was almost odd. Not having Rusty or Andy around was weird. She never realized how noisy the house was when one or both of the men in her life were there. Now Andy was at an AA meeting and promised to bring dinner and Rusty stayed behind at the station with Buzz, filming his vlog. None of them wanted to leave her alone tonight, but she insisted that she needed some time to herself. Now as she walked into her empty living room, she regretted it. Being left alone meant that she had to spend time inside her own head. She couldn't handle it; not today.

She walked towards her kitchen and opened the fridge. A glass of white wine would be very helpful tonight, and since she knew Andy would be in later, she wanted to have it before he came back. She always felt uncomfortable drinking in front of him. She let out a deep sigh as she realized the only bottle she had was red wine; it was a new brand Gavin convinced her to try, even though she wasn't too fond of red wine. Any wine would do tonight; she thought as she poured herself a glass of the crimson liquid. She brought the glass to her lips and took a tentative sip. The steely taste surprised her, and she barely managed to swallow the liquid. It stung her throat and made tears rise in her eyes. She let out a loud sniffle. As she brought her hand to wipe her nose, the smell of gunpowder offended her senses, bringing back the unwanted images of the shooting. Her ears rang with the noise of the shots that were fired. The muscles in her arms still hurt from the recoil of her gun as she shot three rounds straight into Dwight Darnell's chest, while behind her, Dr. Morales was trying to save Chief Taylor's life. As she stood above Darnell's body, she fought the urge to shoot another bullet into his head and finishing him off right there. Her hands were shaking at the effort it took to stop herself. She lowered her gun momentarily when she heard Dr. Morales pronouncing Chief Taylor's death. Her heart skipped a beat, and then resumed its action with a fervor that she's never felt before. She lifted her gun again and pointed it at Darnell's limp body, who was already unconscious. Morales moved past her to the other side of the courtroom to take care of Dr. Joe. Sharon was not sure if the room went silent or if she just temporarily lost her ability to hear anything that happened around her.

"Sharon, he's knocked out. You can put your gun down," Andy's voice invaded the vacuum that filled her ears. She looked at him and blinked a couple of times before she put the safety on her gun and holstered it. She shook her head, pushing the images out of her thoughts and her eyes focused on her kitchen floor. Her blouse was wet, and as she looked down, she noticed the wine glass she was previously holding was shattered on the floor. There was a big red stain on her white blouse and the sight of it made her breath hitch for a moment until she realized it was wine. Bending down, she quickly cleaned the broken glass and threw it away before heading to the bathroom. The only reasonable way to end this horrible day would be a decent shower, she knew.

She looked at herself in the mirror as she discarded her clothes, one by one, on the floor. The reflection that stared back at her seemed almost inhuman with its cold stare and darkened eyes. Was this really her? She brought her hands to touch her face, almost surprised to discover that her skin was warm to the touch. Quickly turning from the mirror, she stepped into the walk-in shower and turned the water on, checking the temperature before she went under the steaming stream of water. She closed her eyes and let the water relax her aching muscles, her fraying nerves, and her racing thoughts. With her eyes still shut, she grabbed her shampoo and started working it through her hair, her fingers massaging it into her scalp. After washing it off, she reached for her shower gel and began scouring her skin, trying to remove every stain the day has left on her body. Try as she might, she couldn't feel the soothing cleanliness she longed for, as if what she's done has implanted itself into her and could no longer be removed. She leaned against the wall, only able to hear her own heartbeat and feel her legs shaking beneath her. Slowly, she let herself sink to the floor, unable to carry her body weight. She wanted to scream, but when she opened her mouth, no sound came out. It was the knocks on the bathroom door that pulled her out from her petrification and helped her navigate her mind back to reality.

"Sharon?" she heard Andy's voice. Turning off the water, she pulled herself upwards and wrapped a towel around herself.

"I'm fine," she called out as she took another towel and twisted it around her hair.

"I picked up dinner on the way home," Andy said. Sharon opened the door and found Andy waiting for her in the hallway. "You're pale," he cupped her cheek in one hand as he inspected her face. Her freckles, the beautiful spots she usually hid with makeup seemed darker than usual, and the light in her eyes was absent.

"I'm tired," she said as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him.

"Why don't you go get dressed, and I'll bring you some tea?" Andy suggested and gently caressed her face. Sharon gave him a quick nod and walked towards the bedroom. She put on the most comfortable PJ she could find and crawled into bed, hoping to transfer some of the heaviness that she felt onto the mattress. It was a futile attempt, as she remained painfully aware of the anxiety that settled into her. Andy returned a few minutes later, carrying a tray with Sharon's favorite cheesecake and a cup of tea. He placed it on the bedside table and took a seat on his side of the bed, slowly removing his clothes as he watched Sharon eating the cake listlessly. Even though Andy knew she was in a dark mood, he hoped that the sugar rush would lift her spirits a little bit. "I'm gonna take a quick shower," he said and pressed a kiss to her temple before heading to the bathroom. Sharon put down the cake plate back on the tray and took the cup of tea, staring into it before she began drinking the warm liquid. As the tea glided down her throat, she realized she hadn't drunk or eaten anything since breakfast. "Are you feeling any better?" she heard Andy's voice as he came into the room, a towel wrapped around his hips.

"I guess," she replied and placed the teacup back on the tray. Andy crawled into bed and looked at her for a moment.

"Come here," he opened his arms and Sharon let him wrap them around her. He brought his hand to her head and caressed her damp hair. Silence fell around them, and the only thing that they could hear was each other's breaths. Sharon felt Andy's chest rising and falling under her head.

"I feel like Lady Macbeth," her voice was breathy as she spoke. "There's blood on my hands, and there's nothing I can do to clean it."

"I know that it's not as comforting as it should be, but you stopped a dangerous man from hurting more people, Sharon," Andy said. "And it couldn't have ended differently."

"You don't understand," she sighed.

"I've been where you are, Sharon. I think I've got a pretty good idea what you're going through," Andy replied and kissed the crown of her head. "And you know I'm a good listener. You can tell me how you feel."

"I'm not me anymore, Andy. I look in the mirror, and I don't recognize the person looking back at me. It's almost like I'm no longer human," Sharon's voice shook. "I probably sound like an insane person."

"No, not at all. I'm not a psychologist or something, Sharon, but I think that the confusion you feel about your identity is very human. I'm pretty sure that your reaction to this entire situation has been perfectly sane from the very beginning," Andy said. Sharon just stared into space. "Look at me for a moment," he said, and she raised her gaze to meet his. "You're sane, okay?" she gave him a quick nod. "And I know you wrote the answers for the questions they're going to ask you tomorrow at Behavioral Science, but please promise me that you won't give them scripted answers. Be truthful, even if it means they don't clear you right away, okay?"

"But…"

"Sharon, you remember how you always say that the policies you set when you were in IA are there for a reason?" Andy said, and Sharon groaned loudly. "So promise me you'll follow it and answer them truthfully."

"Okay," she promised, not because he requested, but because she knew he was right. She rested her head on his chest again and closed her eyes. Andy's body heat radiated against her and it felt as if it began melting her heart from its frozen, numb state. She felt a painful pinch, a reminder that sorrow was part of life, just as much as joy was. After all, it was impossible to walk through the fire without getting scorched. Regardless, she would let it burn.

THE END

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this story, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


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